Thin Rich Bitches by Josselyn Janet Eve

Author:Josselyn, Janet Eve [Josselyn, Janet Eve]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2014-01-07T05:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER 22

The barn was filling up fast with people who looked like they were attired for the Iditarod. The band was playing what they claimed were traditional bluegrass holiday songs, but it was hard to tell. They all sort-of sounded the same, with nasal vocals and hillbilly accents, and incessant banjo strumming that was putting me on edge. I looked for someone amusing to talk to.

Right on cue, Augustin walked over to greet me with his exaggerated hip-swing walk, throwing his arms around me in the most theatrical manner.

“I’ve never been to a party in a barn before,” he said loudly, as if he was on stage. “In fact, I’ve never been in a barn before. You may have gone too country, this time.”

“I may have. I just may have.” I wished I hadn’t sounded so sincere when I admitted it.

Augustin shifted his weight onto the other leg and hip, as if to emphasize his point. I looked at his feet. Bright red ostrich cowboy boots. He saw me looking. “So butch, don’t you think? Richard bought them for me in Barcelona! Richard honey, come here! You must meet Pippin.”

Augustin’s friend Richard leaned down to kiss me on the cheek. He looked like the Marlboro man from the 1980s, with broad shoulders, a thick moustache, and a head full of wavy glossy brown hair. He was gorgeous. I assumed he was Augustin’s latest fling, but he looked as hetero as they come. That would definitely confuse a good many of my guests. Which could be fun.

After almost an hour of greeting guest after guest, I retreated back to the kitchen. Stewart had disappeared to somewhere, and Bite Me was nowhere to be found. The other kitchen gals busied themselves heating the hors d’oeuvres, as I poked my head into the pantry to get more marshmallows for the hot chocolate. I only caught a tad of the action, but suffice it to say that my pantry was being used by Bite Me and a band member for extra-curricular activities, the likes of which that pantry had never seen. Or any other part of the house, for that matter, as far as I knew.

I closed the door and decided right then and there that Bite Me was going to do her fair share of clean-up if she wanted to get paid. After my heart rate returned to normal, I rejoined my guests in the barn and was pleased to see Bite Me’s new band friend back in the barn with his instrument. In his pants, this time.

I saw Myra in the crowd and joined her. As we wandered past the skid steer with the lemon drops, Myra scooped up yet another. With purpose in her stride, she sidled up to Parker and Amanda and engaged them in real estate talk. Despite Parker’s suede jacket, cashmere turtleneck and wool pants, I tried to envision him at my party in whatever the Queen Mum would have worn to an outdoor event in the winter. I wondered if he had panty hose on under his pants.

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